Dear Mother Nature,
You're a bitch. You PMS more than anyone I've ever met. Sometimes you're super hot...and you make me want to do bad things to you....things that involve me being naked...with vix vapor rub all over my body. Then, othertimes....you're cold, and ugly and you make me want to treat you like R. Kelly treats underage girls.
I just don't understand...I thought we were fine. More than fine, I thought we had a future together. Do you remember about 6 or 7 months ago when we laid out on the roof together? Or that time we were naughty at Kennywood? You were so hot then.
And now, I can't help but feel like...you're slipping away from me. I can't help but feel like you must be seeing another!! Let's face the facts...you've been toying with me lately. Like a week ago...80 degrees. Two days later, 22?!?!?!?! What is that about? Are you trying to hurt me?! Why?! I recycle!
Now, worst of all...you've made me sick. It's hard to sleep, I have the sniffles, and I feel like I'm going to hurl. That's how much I love you! You've literally made me sick to my stomache!!!! Can't you see I'm here for you....through thick and thin!?!? Like that kid from Home Alone and Michael Jackson...nothing will keep us apart...and it'll be OUR little secret! Just...please...be hot again!
I love you. Now and forever...
-Coop
